


South Park x Reader One-Shots

by 8cakes



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 15:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21914398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8cakes/pseuds/8cakes
Summary: Just a collection of one-shots for South Park characters x Reader! Taking requests!
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	1. Intro

Hello! Welcome to my SP one-shot book! I can take requests, but I already have some ideas for one-shots in mind, so it may take some time for me to write a requested one. I write about these characters:

Eric Cartman

Kyle Broflovski

Stan Marsh

Kenny McCormick

Butters Stotch

Clyde Donovan

Token Black

Jimmy Valmer

(More may be added soon)


	2. Eric Cartman x Short!Reader

“No, no, no, no, no!” You loudly whispered, as panic slowly rose up inside of you. Right before school, your only pair of platform shoes just had to break today of all days! You stuck your finger through the big hole in the front of the left sneaker, with a look of disbelief on your face. 

You knew this day was bound to come, but not so soon! You hadn’t even thought of going shopping for a new pair of platform sneakers just yet; you weren’t prepared for this day at all! “Piece of shit cheap ass shoes..” You grumbled to yourself, whilst angrily throwing the pair of broken shoes into a nearby trash can. Before you could do anything else, there was a knock on the door of your room.

“Y/n? I hear a lot of racket coming from your room. Is everything alright?” It was your mother behind the door. You sighed and slowly opened to door to let your mom into the room. 

“No, mom, nothing is alright,” you reply dramatically, “My only fucking pair of platform sneakers fucking broke, and I have no idea how the fuck I’m gonna get through the school day.”

“Alright, easy on the ‘fucks,’” your mom scolded you, “You’re being a drama queen, why don’t you wear one of your other pairs of shoes? You’ve got lots of them!” You watched as your mother walked over to your closet and swiftly opened the door to reveal many other pairs of shoes.

Your face fell as you looked at the shoes in your closet. They were all different pairs of shoes, some of them were really cute too, but there was just one massive problem with all of them: they were all flats. 

Your mother noticed your sad expression, and slowly put a hand on your shoulder, “Honey, I know how insecure you are about your size, but there is nothing we can do right now about your shoe problem.” After a pause, she sighed, then continued, “Tell you what, while you’re at school, I’ll buy you a brand new pair of platforms for tomorrow, how does that sound?” She smiled as you enthusiastically nodded.

“Yes, yes! Thank you so much, mom!” You replied while hugging her. Turns out life isn’t totally sucky after all! All you gotta do is get through school today and then everything will be back to normal.. No biggie, right?

Your mom frowned at the total change of your demeanor. She hated that her daughter was so ecstatic about being able to wear big bulky shoes everyday. She just wished that you would embrace your height and show people that size isn’t everything. Just as she was about to walk out of your room, she turned around once more to face you while holding the door handle. 

“I will be buying you those shoes, but I hope one day, you realize that you don’t need to wear those silly things just because you feel the need to ‘fit in,’ and I’m eagerly waiting for the day that you finally become comfortable in your own skin. Y’know, your father always said that big things come in small packages.” She laughed to herself after saying that last sentence, as if it had a double meaning, and shut the door behind her, leaving you alone again. You turned back to your closet and stared at the pairs of shoes. It was time to get ready for the longest school day ever… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were the last person to arrive at the bus stop for South Park High. The closer you reached your destination, the more your pace slowed until you came to a full stop, a few yards away from your friends. Feeling like you would get quickly spotted, you hid behind the tree next to you. 

“Why am I doing this?” You thought while peeking out the side of the tree to look at your four friends chatting, “Am I really afraid of my friends saying something about me? They do shit like that all the time, what would be so different now?” You tried to motivate yourself, but that big pit of anxiety in your stomach just wouldn’t go away. You quietly grunted in frustration and whispered, “fuck it,” and with that, you confidently marched up to the bus stop to meet up with the group.

“Dude, I totally flunked the math homework.” You overheard Stan say to Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman.

“We had math homework?” Cartman asked nonchalantly.

The conversation came to a halt when you walked over to the four boys and stood at the end of the bus stop, next to Cartman. “Hi, guys,” you greeted with your usual cheery tone, but you immediately knew today was gonna be anything but usual.

There was an uncomfortable silence after you greeted them, your face turned a slight shade of red in embarrassment as the boys stared at you.

“H-hey, Y/n,” Kyle was the first to snap out of it, “Did you get a haircut or something?”

You slowly shook your head in response, “N-no, I’m just..” You paused mid sentence to look up at your friends, yes, look up at them, “I’m just not wearing my platform shoes today.. They broke so I’m getting new ones tomorrow.” Everything felt so different, you were so used to wearing those big shoes and being 5 foot 5 around your friends all the time, but today.. Wow, you never really realized how short you actually were next to your friends until now..

“Wait, you wear platform shoes?” Stan asked, interrupting your inner monologue, “Since when?”

“Oh, not very long, only since the seventh grade.” You replied sarcastically to the boy in the blue hat.

“Oh, well I never noticed that.” Stan said back.

“Me neither.” Kyle added.

You heard a muffled “Yeah,” from Kenny as well. You mentally huffed in irritation, boys can be so stupid sometimes. Speaking of stupid, you looked up at the tallest friend in the group that stood next to you. Cartman had not said a word to you this entire time, he was just looking down at you like you were some sort of freak.

“Cartman?” Stan tried to get his attention, to no avail.

“Hey! Earth to fat-ass!” Kyle snapped his fingers in front of Cartman’s face, and you noticed his lips twitch. Suddenly he was cracking a smile, and before all four of you knew it, he had started to burst out laughing the loudest laugh you had ever heard him make. You kept an unamused expression with crossed arms as you watched the chubby boy in front of you gasp for air in between his laughing fit. 

“Oh- oh my god, you guys!” Cartman turned around to face his other three friends, who all had blank expressions, “Y/n’s a… Y/n’s a.. A MIDGET!” As soon as the word ‘midget’ came out of his mouth, Cartman fell onto the snow, and had an even bigger laughing fit down there. This was exactly what you were afraid of, Eric fucking Cartman ruining your entire day with just one sentence.

“Hey! I’m not a midget, I’m 5 feet!” Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to defend yourself, while he slowly got up and wiped tears from his eyes.

“That’s… That’s pretty close to midget height, Y/n,” Cartman responded, starting to calm down from all the intense giggling that had just happened. Your faced turned red in embarrassment once again, or was it anger this time?

“Stop making fun of her height, fat-boy, she can’t help it!” Kyle yelled, earning a glare from Cartman in response.

“Don’t call me fat, you fucking white knight! I can’t help being this way either!” Cartman retorted.

Kyle rolled his eyes, “You can help it, you lazy fat-ass!”

“Goddammit, stop calling me fat, you ginger Jersey Jew!”

Not wanting to hear Kyle and Cartman’s usual bickering today, you decided to walk over to Stan and Kenny.

“Don’t mind him, Y/n,” Stan told you, referring to Cartman’s little ‘episode,’ “Cartman’s always been this way around shorter people, but I’m sure he’ll get over it soon.” 

His last statement made you frown. If whatever just happened didn’t make you feel like an outcast, what he just said certainly did. “I.. shouldn’t have came today.” You said this mostly to yourself while looking to the ground, but Stan and Kenny heard you anyway, and shook their heads in response.

“Dude, that’s not true at all. Cartman’s just a dick, you know that,” Stan tried to reassure you. “Look, being short is not a bad thing, and it’s definitely nothing to be insecure about. Wendy tells me all the time that I have short legs, and I’m perfectly okay with that.”

You sighed and looked back up at the two boys, “Thanks for saying all that, Stan, but you guys just don’t understand. I can’t suddenly be embracing something I’ve been trying to hide all these years, and after watching Cartman laugh in my face like that, there’s no way I’ll be able to handle any more of this at school.” You suddenly turn your back to the two boys, “I’m going home.” You announce, loud enough for all four to hear. 

“Wait, what?!” Kyle exclaimed as you walked past him and Cartman. He grunted and turned toward Cartman angrily once again, “Dammit, Cartman! This is all your fault!” He pointed a gloved index finger at his chubby friend.

“Why the hell is it my fault? She’s the one who forgot the “screw you guys” part of it.” Cartman chuckled to himself as the other three boys gave him glares.

There was silence for a few seconds, until Kenny suddenly pointed to the left, “Hey, the bus is here,” he said through his parka.

“Quick, someone get Y/n!” Kyle loudly whispered as he watched the bus drive up to their stop. Kyle could have sworn that he had seen Cartman begin to take a step, but Stan suddenly swooped in and ran right past all of them to catch up to their short friend. After a few seconds, Stan came running back to the group, with his hand tightly wrapped around your wrist.

“No, no, no! I’m not going!” You cry as you try to pull your hand away from Stan’s grasp unsuccessfully.

“Nope,” Stan quickly replied, as you both were the first of the group to get on the bus, “I promise that no one is gonna care about your height, Y/n. You’re gonna realize that you never needed those platform shoes in the first place!”

You whined as Stan almost practically threw you in a random seat next to Token, who was literally one of the tallest boys in school. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me..”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yeah, Token gave you a weird glance as you both stood up to leave the bus. You didn’t know him super well though, so he didn’t make any comments, which was good, but you knew he was thinking something when he was looking at you. That’s what really made you anxious: the thoughts. People are always thinking, and you’d hate to find out exactly what people were going to think about you when you first walk into the building, known as South Park High, without your platform shoes on.

As you walk up the stairs to the front doors of the school building, you feel someone jam their hand into your coat pocket. Before you can even comprehend what had happened, that someone had just taken your phone, and who was that someone? Of course, it was none other than Eric Cartman. You scowled as he waved the phone in your face and snickered while running into the school. 

“Get back here, Cartman!” You yelled as you hastily ran after him though the school doors and into the hall, not caring that people were watching you both as if you were about to start fighting. Well, maybe you were..

“Hey!” You both heard someone call out, causing you and Cartman to stop in your tracks, “No running in the halls!” A ginger haired hall monitor told you both loudly. The two of you rolled your eyes as the hall monitor walked away afterwards. 

Once he was completely out of sight, you jerked your head towards the tall, but tubby boy, “Give me back my phone, Cartman.” You stuck out your hand and glared up at him. He had a smug expression on his face, which made you even more angry. “Now.” Your tone was firm and somewhat menacing, but Cartman didn’t move an inch. Already getting fed up with his shenanigans, you forcefully grabbed at his arms, trying to find exactly where he was keeping your phone hostage. 

Right after doing this, he stuck his left arm straight up in the air, with your phone in his hand. “Ah, ah, ah,” he teased, that smug expression still plastered on his face, “if you want your precious phone back, you’re gonna have to dream big and reach for the stars, little Y/n.”

You loudly growled while frantically hopping, trying desperately to reach for your phone, “God, you’re such a pain in the ass!” You shouted, grabbing at his left arm while he stood on his tip toes, making it near impossible for you to reach it. 

After a few more tries, you gave up and huffed while crossing your arms. It was right then when you noticed a few people were watching this fiasco, and that made you even more pissed off. “Dammit, gimme my phone, you fat fuck!” You stomped your foot on the ground, just wanting this whole thing to be over so people can stop staring.

“Not until you say the magic word,” Cartman replied with a small smile, seeming to ignore that you called him a fat fuck.

You sigh, “Cartman, can I please have my phone back?” You try to ask in the calmest way possible, but on the inside you were seething with anger. 

Cartman puts his free hand over his chin and strokes it, “Hmm, lemme think about it.. No.” 

Your eyes widen as he erupts with laughter, “What?! Why?!” 

“‘Cause you didn’t say the magic word, you midge!”

You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying your best to block out the fact that he called you a ‘midge,’ “What’s the magic word then?” 

“Tampon.”

Suddenly, Kyle came marching up to you both, “Quit being an asshole, Cartman!” He scolded the taller boy as he got on his tip toes to snatch your phone out of Cartman’s gloved hands.

“Ay!” Cartman glared at his Jewish frenemy as he watched him hand your phone back to you.

You sighed in relief, “Thanks, Kyle, I owe you one.” You say as you shove your phone back into your coat pocket.

He sends you a soft smile, “Don’t mention it,” he then turns back to Cartman with a scowl, “leave her alone, man.” With that, the bell rings for the start of first hour, and Kyle heads to class, while you and Cartman still stand there. 

You made eye contact with him for a split second, and you noticed something spark in his eyes. You watched as his brows furrowed, and he shoved his hands in his coat pockets, he then quickly left you alone to head to class without another word. “Huh,” you think to yourself, “that was weird, it kinda looked like he felt bad for what he did..” You shake your head after that thought, “as if that was even possible, Eric Cartman feeling bad? I’ll believe it when I see it.” You then sighed one last time, before trudging to your first hour class.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was now lunch time, and so far no one else besides Cartman had said anything to you about your height. You almost couldn’t believe it, maybe you didn’t need those big shoes after all. You pull out some money from your coat pocket as you stand in the lunch line, behind that kid, Butters. He was… an interesting guy to say the least.

As if he had read your mind, Butters turned around to face you. “Oh, hey, Y/n!” He cheerfully greeted.

“Hey, Butters.” You gave him a bright smile.

“I almost didn’t recognize you there,” he replied, “you shrunk!”

Your smile faltered, “No, I didn’t shrink. I’m wearing different shoes today..” You definitely just jinxed yourself with the whole ‘not needing the platforms’ monologue. Way to go, Y/n.

“W-well, I never noticed how teeny you were!” Butters crouched down, a cheesy smile plastered on his face, “Aren’t you just adorable?”

You didn’t know whether you should just let that slide, because he’s Butters, or if you should tell him to fuck off, because he’s Butters. Either way, you couldn’t let this go on. 

“Isn’t it your turn in the lunch line?” You point out, causing Butters to turn around and notice that no one was in front of him.

“Oh, jeez, you’re right!” He scrambled up to the lunch lady and ordered his lunch. 

~~~~~

After you picked up your tray of food from the lunch lady, you handed her your money, but she shook her head. “You don’t need to pay,” she informed you, resulting in you giving her a puzzled expression.

“What? Why not?” You asked, tilting your head.

“Someone else already paid for it.”

Someone else? You quickly turn around and look around the cafeteria, as if the person who paid was gonna be right in front of your face, but they obviously weren’t. “Who payed for it?” You question the lunch lady, “Was it Butters?”

“No, he told me to keep it a secret,” she quickly replied, her tone starting to sound irritated, “now move along, will ya? You’re holdin’ up the line.”

Without another word, you leave the lunch line and examine the people in the cafeteria again. Who paid for your lunch? And more importantly, why? Before you could think any more of it, you heard someone call your name in a muffled voice. Kenny was calling you over to sit with the group, so you obey and head to their table.

“Hey, guys.” You say as you sit in the empty seat in between Kyle and Kenny.

“Hey, Y/n.” Kyle, Kenny, and Stan reply in unison. Meanwhile, Cartman took a bite of his sandwich, not even acknowledging your existence.

“So, how’s your first day been with the new feet?” Stan joked, causing you to roll your eyes.

“To be honest, today hasn’t been as bad as I thought it would be,” you told him with a small smile, “so far, the only things that happened was Cartman being an a-hole-“

“Ay!”

“-and Token giving me a weird look on the bus, and Butters said something to me in the lunch line, and I noticed Red kept glancing at me in the halls..” As your list went on, you began to talk slower, as if realizing that a lot more has happened today than you had originally thought, “.. and that kid, Kevin, pat me on the head, which was weird, but anyway!” You quickly smile and change your tone. 

Not wanting to talk about your problems with the others right now, you decide to change the subject, “Kyle,” the kid in the green hat turned to face you, letting you know that you have his attention, “thank you?” You sounded like you were asking a question, and in a way, you were. It was an uncertain thanking.. something like that.

“Uh, for what?” Kyle asked, scratching the back of his neck.

“For, uh, y’know..” You nodded your head towards your lunch tray on the table.

He glanced from you to the lunch tray for a few seconds, until shaking his head, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Okay, that’s fine.” You reply, then turn to Stan, “Thank you, Stan.”

“For what?”

“Goddammit,” You sigh, causing the three boys to be even more confused, while Cartman still chowed down on his lunch without a care in the world. “Someone bought my lunch for me today,” you explain, “but I have no idea who paid for it, and the lunch lady said the person wants to keep it a secret.”

“So? Who cares who paid for it, you get free food.” Stan replied.

“But I’m curious,” you look down at your lunch tray, “whoever paid for it must have known that I wasn’t having a very good day, and wanted to be nice.. I would just want them to know how much I appreciate it, and-“

“It was me, I paid for it!” Kenny blurted out, causing you to swing your head in his direction, you noticed Cartman also jump a bit, probably just because of how loud and sudden Kenny yelled.

“Kenny? You paid for my lunch?” You tilt your head, questioning the blond boy. Before Kenny could reply back, Cartman slammed his hands down on the table, startling all four of you.

“Kenny didn’t pay for it, you dumbasses!” Cartman argues loudly and crosses his arms. “He can’t even buy his own lunch ‘cause his whole family’s fuckin’ broke!” Kenny shoots Cartman a deep glare, and grumbles something you weren’t able to catch through his parka. 

You put your face in your palms, “Alright, forget it.” You gave up, all you wanted was to talk about something that wouldn’t start another fiasco, “I’m just gonna wait until the real person comes forward-“

“You know they’re not gonna do that, right?” Cartman interrupted.

“How do you know that?” Kyle chimed in, “Did you pay for it?”

Cartman scoffed, “Come on, Kyle. As if I would ever do something like that, especially for a midget.”

“Not a midget.” You immediately correct him. You hated that word, and you hated when he called you that. You didn’t exactly know why, but it hurt every time he made fun of your height. Usually you would be okay with whatever mean things he said about you, but this was different. You were really really insecure, and he’s taking advantage of that. Feeling hopeless, you heave a small sigh and ate your ice cream cup, “Now this is what I call a sticky situation..” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, the longest school day ever was over, and it was time to go home. You had decided to start walking home before Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman did, you really didn’t want to deal with any more people today, no matter how close of friends you are with them. You were just glad that today was the only day that people will ever see you like this, considering that you are gonna come home to brand new platforms! It may take the guys a few days or weeks to somewhat forget that you’re not actually 5 foot 5, but you had to wear these shoes as quickly as possible again. Without them, you were insecure, you felt that without them, people would underestimate you, and take advantage of you, like Cartman.. You’re definitely kicking his ass tomorrow, square in the balls with your new shoes on, then that’ll teach him to ever underestimate Y/n L/n!

You happily swing open your front door, “Mom, I’m home!” You announce, as you kick off your shoes and hang up your winter coat.

“Hi, hun,” your mom greeted back from the kitchen, “how was school today?”

“Ugh, awful,” you moan, “I’m just so glad that you bought me new shoes so I can wear them tomorrow and never have a day like that ever again.”

“Yeah, about that..” Your mother trailed off, giving you a sudden boost of anxiety.

You ran into the kitchen to face her, “W-what?”

“The store was sold out of them,” she stated, “so I bought them online, for a much better price too!” She smiled, seeming oblivious to your horrified expression, “They’ll be arriving some time next week.”

“Next week?!” You cry, not knowing whether to feel sad or angry, “Mom, you don’t understand, I need those shoes now! I can’t go to school again with flats, I just can’t!”

“Stop being selfish, Y/n, there’s nothing I can do,” your mom replies to you in a stern tone, “you will wait for them to arrive in the mail next week, and that is final!”

“No!” You argue back, resulting in you receiving a glare only a mother could make, “W-why couldn’t you have just went to another store? You said you would have new shoes for me by the time I get home from school, not next week!”

“Keep talking back and see if you ever get those shoes,” your mom points at the staircase, “go to your room, now.” You have no choice but to stomp all the way to your room without another word..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three days had passed by in the slowest way possible, you actively avoided your friends, didn’t pay attention in any of your classes, and got ridiculed almost every period by Eric Cartman. The only thing good that has been happening this week was that the same person that bought your lunch on Monday has been doing it all week. Once you gain your confidence back next week, the first thing you were going to do was find out who has been doing this, and give them the biggest hug, because right now they are the light of your life.

It was now Thursday morning, and all of your energy had been drained ever since your shoes broke. You felt weak and helpless, but you couldn’t tell anyone, because that would let people know that you are weak, and that was the last thing you wanted people to know. You sped walked down the halls, looking down at the tiled floor the entire time and not even daring to glance at anyone.

“Hey, Y/n!” You heard a voice call out. It was Stan’s. You pretended not to hear him and walked faster. As embarrassing as this was, you didn’t want anyone to see you.

“Man,” Stan muttered, turning to Kyle, “you really think she’s gonna be like this all week until she gets her shoes back?”

“Yeah, dude,” Kyle replied while opening his locker, “I feel so bad for her. Without those shoes, she’s a broken person.”

“Yeah, and Cartman’s fat mouth sure isn’t helping her feel better.” 

“Cartman’s fat what?” The two boys spun around to face their frenemy.

“Your fat mouth, Cartman!” Kyle spat, “We’re sick of you making fun of Y/n all the time, look at how upset she is!”

Cartman didn’t bother to look back at you speed walking away, “Yeah, upset over some dumb shoes!” He bickered back, “She should learn to grow up, we’re in high school, not the fourth grade.”

“It’s not about the shoes, you retard!” Kyle slammed his locker shut, causing the two other boys to jump back, “It’s about insecurity, like how I always wear my hat, and how Butters put tissues under his sleeves to make his biceps look buff yesterday.”

“Hey, h-how did you know that?” Butters panicked on the other side of the hall.

“It was pretty obvious, Butters.” Stan stated.

“Oh, I thought he had tumors.” Cartman muttered.

“That isn’t the point!” Kyle went back to yelling, “The point is that you are the one that needs to grow up! Put yourself in Y/n’s shoes for once, and see just how much your stupid blabbering is affecting the poor girl’s well being!”

“Oh, I will, Kyle,” Cartman smiled, “it’s gonna have to wait until next week though, that’s when they arrive in the mail!” He bursted out laughing, putting his hand on the locker next to him for support. Kyle loudly growled, and he and Stan walked away in the opposite direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before you knew it, you were on your way through the empty hall to fifth period. Today was different, and you knew exactly why: Eric Cartman wasn’t around calling you a ‘midge’ all day. You were happy about this, but also really confused. Was it possible that he was already bored of ripping on you? That couldn’t be true, he never gets bored of that, especially when it comes to people like you. 

In the midst of your thoughts, you feel a hand tug on your shoulder and spin you around. “Hey!” You shout in an irritated tone, until you look up to see who had grabbed you. It was none other than Bill and Fosse, notorious for being big bullies, and possibly being gay, but you only heard that as a rumor.

“Well, what do we have here?” Bill pressed his hand down on your head.

“Ow!” You slap his hand off of you and back away from them.

“She’s like a little gremlin,” Fosse chuckled, “that’s gay.”

Bill chuckled along with him, “Yeah, that’s gay,” he repeated.

You rolled your eyes, “Leave me alone, you asswipes. I’m not in the mood.” 

Just as you begin to walk away, Bill grabbed your wrists and slammed you against the lockers, “Not in the mood for what?” He asked, being too close for comfort, “Gettin’ beat up, or gettin’ kissed?”

Fosse chuckled again, “Dude, that was gay.”

“Yeah, I know that was gay.” 

As Bill’s grip on you loosened, you pushed him off and began to speed walk away. “Fuck you guys.” You call back to them both, recieving glares in response.

Continuing your way to fifth period, you shuddered, “Christ, that sucked, what douchebags.” As much as they were stupid, they did kinda scare you. They could have done way worse if they weren’t dumbasses, and that’s what scared you the most. 

You huffed in frustration, “If it weren’t for my mom trying to bargain, I would have my shoes back right now, and none of this would have ever happened!” You sniffled as your mind got clouded with evil thoughts, “You’re nothing without those five inches… You’re weak and you’re a doormat… You’re just a stupid midge…”

Little did you know, that a certain Eric Cartman had been just feet away, watching the whole thing…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat alone at lunch for the third time in a row, and someone had bought your lunch again. As much as you appreciated it, you felt like a burden. This was pity lunch, and you definitely didn’t deserve any pity. You solemly ate your sandwich, not looking up once from your tray of food; not even looking up to see your four friends staring at you.

Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman all watched as you ate by yourself. 

“Dude, this is getting to be too much.” Stan groaned, “Let’s just ask her to come sit with us.”

“No, dude,” Kyle quickly replied, “she needs space, she’ll come sit with us when she wants to.”

“Bullcrap.” Cartman chimed in, while getting up from his seat.

Kyle got up as well, and leaned over the table, “Oh no, sit down, Cartman! You are the last person she wants to see right now!”

“Like she wants to see your stupid Jew face, Kyle!” Cartman retorted, crossing his arms.

“She doesn’t want to see anybody, especially not you, fat-ass!”

“Yeah, Cartman, you kinda caused this whole thing in the first place.” Stan said nonchalantly, before taking a swig of his milk carton.

“Screw you guys!” He snapped, then sighed before slowly saying, “I know I caused this whole thing, and I’m gonna put an end to it.” With that, Cartman finally stepped away from his seat and started walking towards Y/n, causing the other three to watch in horror.

Defeated, Kyle slumped down in his seat, “I swear, if he makes her cry, he’s dead fucking meat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You continued to eat your lunch until you saw a figure sit down across from you in the corner of your vision.

“Y/n,” the figure began. You recognized that voice, but you refused to believe it. It just couldn’t be. “Look at me, Y/n.” You looked up, and there he was.

You sighed, “What are you planning, Cartman?” You ask, and after recieving no response, you continue, “You haven’t said anything to me all day, so you must have something up your sleeve. Go ahead then, call me names, and put stuff on high shelves, and comment on the way my heels don’t touch the floor when I sit at my desk-“

“Y/n, I’m sorry.” 

Your eyes practically bulged out of your skull, “H-huh?” 

“I said I’m sorry. God, open your ears..” Cartman muttered that last part, seeming embarrased that he was apologizing.

You shake your head, “Who told you to come here and apologize?” You ask, “Was it Kyle?”

Cartman furrowed his brows, “What? No, it wasn’t Kyle, it was me, I came here myself!” He put a hand to his chest, “You really think I would let that ginger Jersey Jew boss me around?”

You shrug, “I dunno, Cartman. This is just… so unlike you.” You set your sandwich down on the tray, “No offense, but since when have you ever felt bad for anyone? Especially enough to openly apologize to their face?”

He grunted, and his face turned red, “Since Monday! Dammit, who do you think has been buying your lunch all week?!” He shouted this louder than he would have liked, good thing the cafeteria was loud as hell.

You quietly gasp as you look down at your tray, “Y-you?!” You were in shock, you didn’t know what to think or what to do. All you could do was glance up and down from your tray to the boy in front of you. His face was still as red as a tomato, you’ve never seen him look so flustered. “B-but why?” You calmly ask, now desperate for reasons and answers.

“I’m… I’m not exactly sure why.” He replied slowly, “It was just something I did to.. I dunno, make it up to you for the name calling and stuff. So, you're welcome.” He slid down a bit in his seat, and crossed his arms while avoiding eye contact with you.

“Uh, thank you,” you respond, still in disbelief, “I mean, I wish you wouldn’t have called me names in the first place, but I know there’s no stopping you.”

“Yeah, well, I guess you can say I put myself in someone else’s shoes,” he smirked at you, “someone else’s little tiny flats, if you may.”

“Hey!” You tried to sound offended, but you couldn’t help giggling.

Meanwhile, the other three boys watch the scene unfold from their table. 

“Dude, did she just laugh?!” Kenny asked his two astonished friends.

“Oh my god.” Was all Kyle could say.

You and Cartman chatted for the rest of the lunch period, he was cracking jokes, and even making you laugh. It felt just like when things were normal the week before your little shoe incident.

It got you thinking, “Could it really be that I’m the problem?” You think about this as you head to your next class, “Maybe this is all in my head, the staring, the faces. I’m letting my insecurites get in the way of my daily life!” You squint your eyes in determination, as you finally look up from the tiled floor for the first time in a few long days. “I’m not letting anyone push me around anymore, no matter how tall they may be!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And just like that, another school day was over. You had to admit, today was actually pretty good, considering that Eric Cartman, of all people, had apologized to you. You’d never seen him apologize to anyone, and not only that, he was pretty cool during lunch. You may have gone from hating him, to only slightly disliking him. You had a small smile on your face as you walked through the crowded halls of kids waiting for their friends to arrive so they can go home together.

Suddenly, you felt two big hands wrap around from under your arms. Before you could say anything, you were swooped off the ground and into the air, causing you to make a small scream.

“Told you, bro, she’s as light as a feather.” You heard the person who had you in the air say.

Fosse came over and looked at you right in the eyes, “Yeah, she is,” he chuckled, “that’s gay.”

You angrily swung your legs, “You guys are gay, now put me down!”

“Hey, we’re not gay, you little gremlin!” Bill argued, tightening his grip on you.

“Yeah!” Fosse pointed at you, “A lot of things are gay, but not us! We’re like.. the least gay thing ever!”

“Bro, that was so gay.” Bill chuckled.

“Yeah, it was gay, we’re gay.” Fosse contradicted himself.

“I was having a good day until you two dumbasses decided to show up!” You swing your legs even harder, desperately trying to kick something. “I don’t wanna have to, but I will kick both of your asses if you don’t put me down right now!”

The two bullies laughed at your threat, “You’re not gonna do shit, gremlin.” Bill’s voice got low and menacing all of a sudden, but you weren’t scared by it one bit.

Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny all walked through the hall to get to the school’s front exit, but they quickly stopped in their tracks when they heard your voice.

“Put me down, right now!” They heard you say. They all shared one collective glance at each other, and hastily followed the sound of your voice. When they finally found you, they hated what they saw..

“Hey, Fosse!” Bill brought you close to his chest, “Catch!” He then sprung you forward. You made a quick scream as he practically threw you like a rag doll across the hall. Fosse laughed as he caught you and still held you up like a trophy.

“Jesus Christ, dude!” Stan cried with a horrified expression on his face, along with the other boys. Bill and Fosse whipped their heads around to face them, with intense glares on their faces.

“Put her down, you fucking lunatics!” Kyle furiously shouted at them, causing a few other kids in the hallway to go silent.

Before either of them could retort, you kicked Fosse right where the sun don’t shine, hard. He yelped in pain and instantly dropped you to your feet.

“That was so gay, you little bitch!” Bill sprinted up to you and grabbed you by the collar of your jacket. You were prepared for a beatdown, until someone from the corner of your eye punched Bill square in the jaw, knocking him to the ground.

“You don’t fucking touch her, you hear that, you sons of bitches?!” You watched in awe as Eric Cartman marched over to the two bullies and pulled them up on their feet by their shirt collars. “You guys are fucked up to be harassing a nice girl like Y/n! What has she ever done to you, huh? Nothing! You better be glad that I got in the way, ‘cause she could have easily kicked both of your stupid hippie asses all the way to fucking Venus!” 

The bullies shared a look of pure terror as Cartman screamed at them. He pulled them in closer, and started to whisper, “This is just a warning; if you ever so as look at Y/n again… I WILL MAKE YOU EAT YOUR GODDAMN PARENTS!” After hearing that, the two bullies scrambled out of the school building, leaving a furious Cartman, and four astonished friends.

“Holy shit..” Kyle muttered.

You watched as Cartman panted for air, “Th-thank you, Cartman..” You softly smile in his direction.

He slowly turns to you, still tuckered out, “Don’t… don’t mention it,” he took a deep breath, “come on, I’ll walk you home.”

You slowly nod, and follow him towards the exit of the school building, leaving your other three friends to just stand in shock.

“…D-did that really just happen?” Stan asked after a long silence.

“I think so.” Kyle replied with his eyes still widened.

Kenny sighed, “I’m going home, and taking an 8 hour nap..”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So why’d you do it?” You ask Cartman as you both were on your way to your house.

“I saw what happened earlier today, and I just couldn’t stand their stupid faces messing with you.” He replied with his hands shoved into his coat pockets, “I’m glad you kicked that one guy in the nuts though, that was pretty sweet.”

You both laughed, “Thanks, I try my best.” 

“But you really shouldn’t underestimate yourself,” Cartman suddenly says, causing you to give him your full attention, “y’know, just because you’re small, it doesn’t mean you’re any less badass than me or anybody else.”

You begin to blush, “Y-you really mean that?”

“I mean, I’m probably a little bit more badass than you, but the ‘anybody else’ part still stands.” 

You playfully punch him in the arm, causing you both to giggle.

“Aw, c’mon, Y/n! You can do better than that!” Cartman taunted with a smirk.

“Oh, trust me, I can.” You taunt back, with a smirk on your face as well.

“You wanna go?” Cartman leaned forward.

“Yeah, I wanna go.” You leaned forward, getting on your tip toes so you would be closer to his face.

“The only place you’re going is inside, Y/n!” Your mother called out from the front door, causing you both to quickly jump back from each other. You two had been so caught up in conversation that you hadn’t even realized you were home already.

“Uh, coming, mom!” You call back, then turn to Cartman and wave, “See you tomorrow, Eric!” Without even realizing you only called him by his first name, you ran up to your front door and went inside, leaving Cartman with a face as red as a cherry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last day of the week was here, Friday. It had been a crazy week, and you were completely ready for it to be over and done with. 

Ever since Cartman had talked to you at lunch yesterday, and stood up to those two assholes for you, you’ve been having different thoughts about the chubby boy. You’ve developed a liking to his humor, and his protectiveness over you, and his face… 

You quickly shook your head, “Uh, scratch that. He’s just been a lot better to me after yesterday, he’ll probably get over it soon and go back to being mean. There’s no way this is gonna last.” 

“These feelings are completely temporary..” You mutter to yourself. Suddenly, you heard the doorbell ring, so you quickly walk over to open the door. Speak of the devil, right out your door, stood Cartman.

“Hey..” You greeted him with an uncertain expression.

“Hey,” he greeted back, “you haven’t been to the bus stop since Monday, and the guys miss you, so I promised I’d take you there. Let’s go, chop chop.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his obvious lie, “Well, alright, just let me put on my coat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Cartman, you’re late!” Kyle already started yelling as soon as Cartman came into vision.

“Late for what? Waiting at the bus stop?” Cartman rolled his eyes, “Jesus, Kyle, if you need help getting that sand out of your vagina just go see a gynecologist or something.”

“For the last goddamn time, there’s no sand in my vagi-“ Kyle stopped mid-sentence when he spotted you, “Y/n?”

“Hi, guys.” You timidly greeted everyone.

“Hey, Y/n, how’s it going?” Stan asked you.

“A lot better than a few days ago,” you replied, “I’m sorry that I ignored you guys for those past days, I just-“

“It’s ok, Y/n,” Kyle interrupted with a smile, “we’re just glad you’re feeling better.”

You smiled back at your friends. They never wanted to belittle you or make you feel bad about anything you were insecure about, except for Cartman of course, but it seemed as if he’s changed his ways just for you.. That’s when you realized that you truly did have friends that care about you, and want you to have happiness. That is a certain friendship that you can only share with these four boys…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was the best day you have had in a while: you talked with your friends in between each class, actually paid attention in your classes, and most importantly, got your lunch paid for again by Cartman! This time, however, he paid for it right in front of you, and that made the occasion even more special.

You were in the middle of putting your math textbook into your locker, when someone from behind had called out your name. You swiftly turned around to see Cartman walking towards you.

“Hi, Eric,” You said with a smile, “I’m just putting my textbook away, once I’m done we can walk home together.”

“Uh, alright.” He fidgeted, “I was just.. just wondering if..”

You shut your locker and looked up at him, “Yeah?”

Once he looked into your eyes, he quickly averted his gaze, his face turning bright red, “Goddammit..” He muttered.

“What’s wrong?” You ask with a concerned expression, “Are you busy today?”

“No, no,” he looked around, “I was just wondering if you wanted to do something tomorrow..”

“Tomorrow?” You repeat, “Well, sure. What were you guys planning on doing?”

“No, not ‘guys,’” Cartman stated quickly and lowly, “j-just me.. and you.”

Your eyes widened, “Y-you mean like a..”

“I-I mean, it doesn’t have to be like that,” he laughed nervously, “but that was my intention, yes.” He then finally looked you in the eyes, and said, “So, are you gonna say yes, or are you gonna shatter my heart right here, right now?”

You smirked, “I’ll say yes on one condition.”

“Okay.. It better be easy.”

“You can’t call me a midget ever again.” You crossed your arms, and watched as he frowned.

“Oh, Y/n, you’re breakin’ my balls here,” he groaned. Recieving your unamused expression, he sighed, “fine, it’s a deal.” 

He stuck out his hand to shake on it, but you had a better idea. You quickly got on your tip toes and wrapped your arms around the back of Cartman’s neck. Unfortunately for you, you still couldn’t reach his face without jumping, and that would hurt.

Cartman laughed seeing what you were trying to do, “You’re really making it hard for me to not call you the ‘m’ word, Y/n.”

You pouted, “Well then, guess you’re not getting a kiss!”

“To hell if I’m not!” Suddenly, Cartman scooped you up and brought your face close to his. You wrapped your legs around his waist and kissed him passionately. The kiss lasted for a few seconds, until you heard the noise of a camera snapping a photo.

“Ay!” Cartman gently set you down, “Who the hell took a picture?!”

You heard someone whisper from around the corner, and you could tell exactly who’s voice it was. “Stan, you and Kyle and Kenny can come out now.” 

Shortly after, the three boys emerged from around the hall, “Dammit, Kenny, you blew our cover.” Stan whispered to his friend in the orange parka.

“Hey, I just wanted the moment to last forever, is that so wrong?” Kenny replied in a defensive manner.

Stan sighed, “Whatever,” he then turned to his friend in the green hat, “you owe me five bucks, Kyle”

“Aw, shit.” Kyle dug through his pockets and pulled out a five, handing it to Stan.

Cartman growled, “You guys were making stupid bets! God, you people suck ass!”

“Hey, don’t get mad at us because we’re happy for you!” Kyle argued, “You haven’t had a girlfriend since Heidi Tu-“

“Do not talk about Heidi Turner, Jew!”

“Here we go again..” Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, and Kenny looked through his camera roll at the photo he took of you and Cartman kissing.

“Yeah, I’m gonna get going now,” You announced to anyone who was listening, which was apparently just Kenny.

“I’ll send this to you later!” He replied, referring to the photo.

“Oh, please.. don’t.” You then walk out through the double doors of the school and head home, your mind rewinding back to that steamy moment with Eric Cartman…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m home, mom!” You call out as you slam the front door shut in excitement.

“Hey, honey!” Your mom calls back as she runs into the living room where you were standing, she was holding a box. “Look what came early in the mail today!”

You smile as you take the box and open it. There they were, your brand new platform shoes. “Yay! Thanks, mom!” You hug her.

“Your welcome, sweetie-“ Suddenly, she was cut off by you saying something she’s been waiting for you to say for over 5 years…

“But I don’t need these.”

(A/N: Hope u enjoyed my first one shot! I feel like I may have been a bit too ambitious with this one, because there was so many points that I wanted to include in this about jUsT bEiNg yOuRsElF and more wholesome stuff like that but I completely skipped over it cuz I got lazy and wanted this one to be done so I could start my other ideas lol. so yeah again thank u so much for reading and if u like it leave a heart and review! it took me like a week to write this and it would not stop haunting my brain until I had completely finished it, so I hope it was worth the read <3)


	3. Butters x Popular!Reader

“Fellas! Hey, fellas!” A cheerful blond boy ran through the cafeteria, and plopped down into a seat surrounded by the boys in his class. “Did you guys see Y/n today?!” He exclaimed, as the other boys rolled their eyes, “She looked so pretty in English class! Does she always wear that f/c jacket? It looked great on her, but then again, she’d look good in anything-“

“For God’s sake, Butters,” One of the boys, Stan Marsh, spoke up while pinching the bridge of his nose, “this is like the fifth time you’ve talked about Y/n today. Just ask her out already, dude.”

Butters’ eyes widened, “A-ask her out?! Me?!” He rubbed his knuckles together, “Aw, jeez, I-I can’t do that.”

“Well, why not?” Another boy named Kyle asked.

“B-because she’s like one of the most popular girls in school, a-and I’m just a..”

“A gay little dweeb?” Cartman butted in, receiving glares from a few of the other boys.

“Uh-huh.” Butters nodded sadly.

“So, who cares?” Stan shrugged, “You’ll never know what she actually thinks about you until you shoot your shot.”

“Yeah,” Kenny agreed through his parka, “plus, I heard that Clyde has his eyes on Y/n too..”

Butters then jerked his head over in Kenny’s direction, “C-Clyde wants to ask out Y/n?! Oh, hamburgers!”

“Shh, here she comes!” Cartman announced. 

The other boys all watched as you elegantly walked with your friends, Bebe and Red, to a nearby table with full lunch trays in each of your hands.

Butters continued to rub his knuckles together, and glanced around the floor, “W-what should I do, fellas?” He asked the group, “Should I just go up and ask her-“

“No, Butters!” Cartman suddenly cried and quickly pulled him aside, away from the other boys, “You need to ask out Y/n when the time is right, when she’s alone and there’s no distractions around. If you went up to her right now, her bitchy friends would definitely make her uncomfortable about saying yes to you. I mean, no offense, Butters, but she is completely out of your league.”

“Wow, you sure know a lot about this stuff, huh, Eric?” Butters softly smiled, seeming unbothered by his last statement.

“Yes, I guess you can say I’m quite the expert when it comes to love,” Cartman quickly turned his back to Butters, “isn’t that right, Cupid Me?” Butters looked around with a puzzled expression as Cartman loudly giggled to himself, “Oh, Cupid Me, you raunchy rascal!”

“W-well alright then, I’ll ask out Y/n when she isn’t distracted..” Butters told him, still unsure if he was even listening.

Cartman turned around once more to face his blond ‘friend’ again, “Yeah, and make sure you do it quick. Clyde could strike and take your chick anyday now.”

“Right,” Butters became determined, “Thanks a lot, Eric!” He sprinted out of the cafeteria as the bell rung, signaling that the lunch period was over.

“Wait, you owe me five bucks for that, you douchebag!” Cartman tried to run after him, “I don’t work for free!!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as the final bell rung, you headed straight to your locker to put away your textbooks. You put in the combination and opened the locker without a care, until you noticed a piece of paper that had fluttered out and fell to the floor. 

After putting the textbooks into your locker, you bent over and picked up the paper. It was folded into fourths and was very wrinkled. You carefully unfolded the paper, and read:

“Dear Y/n,  
Please meet me next to the flag pole in front of the school after dismissal, I have something to ask you.  
From, Butters”

The handwriting looked like it was hastily written. In fact, everything about this note screams ‘rushed.’ Well, there’s obviously no time to stand around, so you quickly started walking towards the destination.  
“Butters,” You pondered while walking, “isn’t he that cute little blond boy in my English class?” 

Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by Clyde, a friend of yours, leaning his hand against the wall in front of you, which blocked your path.

“Hey, Y/n,” He greeted you with a half-lidded gaze and a smirk, “what’s goin’ on?”

“I can’t talk right now, Clyde,” You quickly dismissed him, walking around the brown haired boy, “I have to meet up with someone..”

“Oh, okay then..” Clyde looked disappointed as he watched you leave, until turning to another girl who was passing by, “Hey, Jenny! How’s it goin’?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After about two more minutes of walking, you had finally arrived at the flag pole, but there was no sign of Butters.. “How strange..” You thought as you stepped a little bit closer to the flag pole.

“Butters?” You decided to call out, “I-it’s Y/n, I got your note..” 

“O-oh, Y/n! Hamburgers..” You suddenly heard running footsteps from the side of the school, and there he was, out of breath and as red as a tomato.

“Hey!” You happily greeted him with a smile.

“Uh, h-hello..” Butters twisted his foot into the snow, with his hands behind his back.

Noticing he wasn’t saying anything else, you held up the note, “You wanted to ask me something..?”

He stiffened as he saw the note in your hands, “Oh, y-yeah! Ah, Y/n, I know you don’t know very much about me, but I-I like you a whole lot..” He kept his hands behind his back as deep crimson shaded his cheeks, “a-and I was wondering if.. If you wanted to go out with me? O-on a date?” 

He squinted his eyes shut afterwards, as if preparing to get slapped by you or something.. But all you did was smile wider.

“Sure, Butters! I’d love to!” You happily agree, causing him to immediately widen his eyes.

“R-really?! You mean it?!” Butters practically grinned from ear-to-ear.

“Yeah!” You confirmed, “When and where is this gonna happen?”

“W-well, I-I was thinking Friday night,” He rubbed his knuckles together, and kept looking at the ground, “a-and my mom would drive us to Bennigan’s, b-but if you don’t like Bennigan’s then we could go somewhere else no problem!” 

You giggled at his nervousness, “Bennigan’s on Friday sounds perfect to me.”

Butters sighed in relief, “Aw gee, th-thanks, Y/n.” He slowly took a step closer, and held out his arms, “C-can I give you a hug, please?”

You nodded, and returned the hug that the boy was already giving you. At this moment, you knew you liked Butters a whole lot too. He wasn’t like the other boys in South Park; he was genuinly kind, and compassionate, and even giving. You may not know much about him personally, but you have seen him around school and how he interacts with others. You just always knew there was something about him that you adored..

After letting go of the embrace, you started to walk away, and called out to him over your shoulder, “See ya on Friday!”

Butters waved with another big smile, “Yeah! See ya, Y/n!” He felt tingly inside with happiness, he was actually going on a date with Y/n L/n, one of the prettiest and most popular girls in school!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a skip in your step in the school halls the next morning, and your friends were quick to notice that something or someone had you giddy.

“Hey, Y/n!” Bebe and Red called out to you, which got your attention.

“Hey, girls!” You happily walked up to your two best friends with a big smile.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so happy this early in the morning!” The three of you all giggled at Red’s joke.

“Yeah,” Bebe agreed, “What’s the sitch, Y/n?”

“Well,” You slowly began, hyping up your two friends, “I’ve got a date!”

The two gasped and squealed in happiness, “Oh my god, oh my god!” Red quickly exclaimed, while Bebe hopped up and down.

“Yup! On Friday night,” you continued, “he’s taking me out to dinner.”

“Wow, who’s the lucky guy?” Bebe asked, the curiosity overtaking her.

“I think I have a pretty good guess already..” Red chimed in with a smirk.

“Oh yeah, me too.” Bebe returned the smirk and crossed her arms.

“It’s not Clyde.” You were quick to dismiss them.

“Huh?” They both said in unison, Bebe’s arms falling straight to her sides.

“Then who is it?” Red questioned, her once smug expression being replaced by a puzzled one.

“Uh..” Your cheeks became a faint shade of pink, “H-his name is Butters..”

You felt a pit in your stomach as you watched your two friends frown, and share a collective look of disgust at you.

“Butters?” Bebe repeated, with that same look on her face.

“Who’s Butters?” Red asked.

“Oh, come on, Y/n. I know you can do so much better than him!” Bebe argued, both of you ignoring Red’s question.

“I can?” You crossed your arms, “Why’s that?”

Bebe scoffed, “I mean, do I really have to explain it to you? You’re sophisticated and smart, and Butters is immature and literally has no idea how to treat a girl!”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong,” you retort, “when he asked me out yesterday, he was very sweet and understanding. He was definitely a lot more respectful in those ten minutes than Clyde has ever been to me in my entire life.”

“I just think you’re making a big mistake, Y/n.” Bebe sighed and shook her head.

“Well, whether you both like it or not, I already said yes.” You angrily grabbed onto your backpack straps and turned around on your heel, “I thought as my friends, you guys were gonna be happy for me, but I guess a person like me is only allowed to have a clichéd preference.” 

You quickly started to walk away, only to hear Bebe calling out from behind you, “Y/n, wait! We didn’t mean it like that..” You didn’t bother turning back around…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, fellas! Fellas!” Butters ran through the cafeteria once again, causing the other kids at the table to groan.

“Goddammit..” Stan muttered, “What now, Butters?” He asked the blond boy running towards them, not even hiding his irritated tone.

“You fellas aren’t gonna believe this,” Butters began, not one person looking up at him, “I asked Y/n out yesterday after school, and she said yes! We’re going to Bennigan’s on Friday night!”

Butters bounced up and down with excitement, all while the other kids at the table seemed way more interested in their lunch tray than him.

“Good job.” Craig was the only one to speak up in his usual monotone voice.

There was another moment of silence, until Butters decided to speak up once more.

“Hey, Eric?” Cartman turned around from his seat to face Butters, who had just got his and the other guys’ attention. “Ah, can I talk to you for a second?” Butters asked him.

Cartman got up from his seat, “Why, of course, Butters,” he brought out his hand, “that’ll be five bucks.” Butters dug through his pants pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill, handing it to Cartman. “Sweet.” He put a hand on Butters’ back, “Alright, let’s go somewhere more private, shall we?”

They walked outside of the cafeteria and into the empty hallway. “So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about, Butters?” Cartman asked, “And make it snappy, the Jew thief could steal my lunch any minute now.”

“W-well, I was hoping I could get some advice for my date with Y/n on Friday,” he stated, rubbing his knuckles together, “You see, I overheard Bebe telling Y/n that I’m immature, a-and that I don’t know how to treat a lady..”

Cartman harshly sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I knew this was bound to happen..” He muttered to himself. “First of all, Butters,” He began, regaining his composure, “you have to understand that Bebe is a mega bitch who only likes rich douchebags that buy her shoes and pay for her abortions. So, of course she would think that Y/n would be the same way.”

Butters’ eyes widened, “No way, I-I can’t afford any abortions!”

“Exactly.” Cartman smiled, “Honestly, I’m so glad you reached out to me, because Cupid Me and I know just how to make your date with Y/n successful.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was Friday night, and you were just about done putting your mascara on. Even though your date with Butters was gonna be at Bennigan’s, a casual chain restaurant, you still decided to go all out with your look. 

You gave yourself a satisfied look in the mirror, examining the short f/c dress you were wearing one last time before you headed out.

“Y/n!” You heard your mother call out from downstairs, “They’re here to pick you up!”

“Coming!” You loudly replied, slipping into your shoes and sprinting down the stairs, resulting in your mom quickly scolding you about running downstairs. You were too caught up in thoughts to pay attention to her nervous rambling, “Kay, love you!” You grabbed your coat and swung open the front door. 

Once you were outside, you immediately saw the big car parked in your driveway. You started to walk towards it as one of the backseat windows slowly rolled down.

Butters poked his head out the window and waved to you. “Hi, Y/n!” He cheerfully greeted.

Before you could wave back, he quickly retracted his head from the window and got out of the car from the other side. You stopped in your tracks as he ran around the car, and opened the car’s door on your side. “L-ladies first.” He said as he held the car door open for you. 

“Oh, what a gentleman!” You lightly giggled, causing your date to blush. He seemed to go all out for this date as well, wearing a baby blue tuxedo, and slicking his blond tuff of hair back in a formal manner. 

You hopped into the car seat, and Butters shut the door right after making sure you were completely inside. He then walked back around the car once more, and came in from his side of the car.

“Well, don’t you two look just adorable?” Butters’ mom cooed from the driver’s seat, looking at you both from the rear view mirror.

“Thank you, ma’am.” You shyly said back.

“I always knew Butters had great taste in girls!” She continued as she backed out of your driveway, and got onto the road, “You’re even prettier than how he described you. Guess my little boy isn’t getting grounded tonight!”

“Mom!” Butters exclaimed from behind her, desperately trying to get her to stop talking before she said anything else. His face was beet red, and you were pretty amused by how embarrassed he got.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once Butters’ mother stopped in front of the Bennigan’s restaurant, Butters jolted up from his seat in excitement.

“We’re here, we’re here!” He shouted happily, quickly unbuckling his seatbelt and swinging open the car door. You did the same, and headed over next to your date in front of the restaurant.

“Alright, you two have fun now!” Butters’ mom said through her rolled down window. “Give me a call when you love bugs are all done!”

“Thanks for the ride!” You called out while she slowly drove away. The both of you waved goodbye until she was completely out of sight.

You turned your attention to your date, Butters. “You ready?” You asked him, nodding your head towards the restaurant that was in front of you both.

He slowly nodded, looking visibly nervous, but you obviously weren’t gonna point that out to him. Before you could take that first step to head to Bennigan’s, you felt a hand suddenly swipe you by the waist. You made a small gasp, and looked at Butters, who had his arm wrapped tightly around you. Not a word was spoken, hell, he didn’t even look at you, but you just decided to accept what was happening, and start walking into the Bennigan’s. You weren’t gonna lie, his grasp on you was kinda strong, and you kinda liked that.

“Hi, welcome to Bennigan’s!” The waitress happily greeted you both as you entered the restaurant, “How many in your party?”

“Table for two please, ma’am.” Butters confidently replied, his arm still wrapped around you.

“Okay, let me show you to your table.” The waitress grabbed two menus from a nearby podium, and walked off into the restaurant. The two of you quickly followed her to a small table with two chairs that were placed directly across from each other. Butters finally let go of your waist so the two of you could sit down. “A waiter will be here to take your orders shortly.” After placing the menus and two glasses of water on the table, the waitress left without another word.

You and Butters had a little bit of a staring contest, you could tell that he was really nervous, and you were even having a bit of anxiety yourself.

“Ah, gee, Y/n,” Butters scratched his cheek, “Y-you sure look beautiful tonight..”

Your heart soared at his compliment, “Thank you, Butters-“

“O-oh!” He cut you off, “I-I mean.. Damn, baby, you are looking like a snack!” 

You gave him a puzzled expression as he avoided eye contact with you and rubbed his knuckles together. “Oh, um.. Thanks. You look good too.” You returned a compliment.

“Th-thank you..” Butters replied, “Oh Jesus..” He quietly muttered to himself, seeming really embarrassed by his sudden outburst.

Before things could get any more heated, a waiter came by with a notepad in his hand, and was ready to take your orders…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So, Butters,” You happily began, with your cheek resting on your palm, “Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?”

“Oh! Uh, sure!” He replied hesitantly, staring down at the table with furrowed brows, almost like he was in deep thought for those few seconds, until continuing once more, “I-I like to play video games, and I like hangin’ out with my buds, a-and I have a job!”

“You have a job?” You repeated, a bit amazed by his statement, “What do you do?”

Butters’ gaze went straight back to the table, “I… Am an inspector.” He suddenly looked up at you with full confidence and a smirk.

You gave him an astonished look, “Whoa, you handle detective stuff? That is so cool!”

“Yeah, I guess you can say that I’m pretty mature.” Butters kept a smug expression.

“I bet!” You agreed, before sighing lovingly, “I knew my girlfriends were wrong about you, Butters.”

Butters blushed and chuckled nervously, “W-well shit, babe, I-I guess some fellas be tripping, if you know what I am saying..”

“Not just that,” You gave him a heartfelt smile, seemingly ignoring his weird sudden use of slang, “I’ve never met another boy who’s as honest and as kind as you are. The way you try to be friends with everyone around school is so admiring. And I’m glad that you asked me out on this date, because I’m having a great time with you.”

Butters’ face was priceless after you finished your little ‘speech.’ But you really couldn’t help it, you were just suddenly head over heels for the boy. You loved how he complimented you all night, and listened to your stories and interests, except for those few times when he used weird slang. You were definitely sure that he was a keeper.

“Y-Y/n.. Aw, shucks…” His face was redder than an overripe tomato, “E-ever since you moved down to South Park and all, I’ve always thought you were real cool and pretty, and I…” He suddenly trailed off. You gave him a look of anticipation for him to continue, but that look quickly changed to concern as you watched his eyes widen in horror. Butters then put both hands on the table and pushed out his chair, “W-would you please excuse me for a moment?” He asked you in a panicked tone as he stood up and ran to the back of the restaurant.

“Oh, okay then..” You slowly replied to no one, due to him already being out of your sight. “What the hell was that all about?” You thought to yourself, aggressively putting your palm on your cheek in frustration. “Hm, maybe he had to go to the bathroom or something..” You then thought, calming yourself down, but then it hit you, “The bathroom is the other way…”

“Ay! I’m trying to help you not be a total fag in front of a girl for once!”

“There is no way I’m saying anything like that to Y/n!”

“Oh, excuse me, I thought you wanted the date to be successful.”

“W-well yeah! But I’m not askin’ her if I can put my di-“

You suddenly appeared next to Butters, who seemed to be yelling at someone sitting in a booth in front of him, “What’s going on here?” You asked irritatedly.

“AH! Y-Y/N!” Butters cried while jumping back a bit, the boy he was yelling at also seemed pretty freaked out with how quietly you approached them both. “I-I was just..” He stuttered as you then noticed something he was holding in his right hand, it was small and circular… Almost like a..

“Is that an ear piece?” You interuppted the terrified boy, snatching the device out of his hand. He whimpered as you examined the piece, confirming your discovery. “What the hell, Butters?” You angrily waved the ear piece around in his face.

“N-now Y/n, hold on just a second-“ You heared the boy in the booth say, which quickly reminded you that you had not even looked at the other boy, being too focused on Butters wearing an ear piece the entire fucking time. You jerked your head to the left, and faced one of, if not the only, most evil boy in school.

“Eric Cartman?” You asked with a venomous tone and looked him up and down, which actually kinda scared the two boys. You then turned back to Butters, feeling even more worked up than before, “What is he doing here?!”

“Y/n, I can explain!-“ Butters hastily spat out, desperately trying to get you to calm down, but to no avail.

“Oh my god..” You interrupted your date once again, coming to a realization, “This is a setup!”

“What? No!” Butters rapidly shook his head and waved his hands.

“I knew it!” You then leaned over the table that Cartman was sitting at, and pointed your index finger in his face, “What do you want from me, Cartman?”

“Nothing, you psycho bitch!” He sneered back at you, causing your brows to furrow.

“Y/n, please listen-“ Butters tried to grab onto your arm, but you flailed away from his grasp.

“Shut up!” You yelled, making heads turn towards you three from other customers in the restaurant. You felt a lump in your throat as tears started glossing over your vision, “My friends were right about you.” You said quietly as your voice cracked with sadness. You then spun around and darted out of the restaurant, leaving a hopeless Butters alone with Eric Cartman.

“Wow, you’re a douche, Butters.” Cartman stated, his and Butters’ eyes still fixated on the door that you ran right through.

“I sure am..” Butters agreed, his mind full of regrets.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Go after her.”

“Nah,” Butters ruffled his hair back to the way it was before he gelled it down, “She doesn’t wanna see me no more..”

Cartman then looked at Butters straight in the eyes, “Listen,” he began, “I know you made yourself look like a total fag in front of Y/n, which was exactly was I was afraid of, but now is your only chance to fix this. Sometimes you just gotta follow your Cupid Me, no matter the consequences.”

“My Cupid Me?” Butters tilted his head.

“Everyone has a Cupid Me!” Cartman giggled and slapped the air, “Stop! I’m ticklish there!”

Butters became determined once more, “Y-you’re right, Eric! I’m gonna g-go and fix this once and for all, by golly, because I love Y/n L/n!”

“Yeah! Go get her, tiger!” Cartman cheered on the blond boy, as he ran out the same double doors to the restaurant as you did. After watching him leave, he faced forward and slumped further down into his seat, crossing his arms in frustration.

“Can I get you anything, sir?” A waitress walked over to Cartman with a notepad in her hand.

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes for my goddamn chicken wings!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Butters swung open the double doors and abruptly stopped in his tracks when he saw you standing at the end of the sidewalk near the road, as if contemplating if you were gonna walk home or not.

“Y/n!” He called out and ran towards you. You did not react to his presence, having your back face him. “Y/n!” He called once again, but more quietly. Not receiving a response a second time, he spun you around by the shoulders to finally face him. But you had your eyes glued to the pavement below.

“My friends were right.” You repeated to the ground.

“Yeah, they were.” He confessed, which made you look up at him in confusion until he continued, “I-I’m real sorry, Y/n. I overheard you tellin’ your friends about our date the other day, a-and I heard them call me immature.. S-so I went to Eric for help so I could show you that I ‘am’ mature and I ‘do’ know how to treat a lady..” He let out an empty chuckle, “Th-that obviously didn’t work out so well. I lied to you, and I made a c-complete fool of myself.. I guess I just really am immature..” He sighed, putting his hands behind his back, “You have every right to be mad at me. I gotta learn to behave myself..”

What Butters had just told you had got you thinking, maybe this wasn’t a setup after all.. He was insecure about himself on your date, and just wanted to impress you. The slow realization built up on your face, and you began to feel like a complete jerk.

“Oh, Butters, I’m not mad at you.” You admitted to him, new tears still forming in your eyes.

He quickly became puzzled, “Y-you’re not?”

“No,” you replied with a deep frown, “If anything, ‘I’m’ the one who should be sorry. I’m so sorry I jumped to conclusions and made a scene in the restaurant.” You paused yourself to sniffle, then you looked back at his deeply concerned expression, “I should have listened to what you had to say before storming out like a bitch.”

“Ah, t-that’s okay, Y/n.” Butters smiled softly and tapped his knuckles together, “B-but you shouldn’t be callin’ yourself a bitch. You’re a nice girl, a-anyone can see that.”

As if it were an impulse decision, you suddenly gave Butters a tight embrace. It was so sudden that he practically almost stumbled to the ground. After processing what was happening, he was hugging you back just as tight.

“I love you.” Your voice was muffled in Butters’ chest, but he heard you loud and clear.

“I love you too, Y/n.” He responded proudly while you both pulled away from each other. “A-and please don’t cry anymore,” he swiftly wiped a black tear off your cheek, “you’re gonna ruin your pretty makeup.”

“A little late for that,” you softly giggled, your smile warming up Butters’ heart, “I’m gonna go to the bathroom and get cleaned up.” You told him as you started to walk towards the front doors of the restaurant.

Butters watched as you almost headed inside, “Ah hamburgers, I hope this doesn’t mean our date is over..”

You whipped your head back around to look at the blond boy with a beaming smile, “Over? Our date is just getting started!”

Butters had a lovesick gaze stuck on his face even after you had already gone inside, and it seemed that he wasn't gonna snap out of it.. Until he heard strange high pitch giggling circulating around him.

"Wha..? Who's there?" Butters looked around frantically, trying to find the source of the sound.

"See? I told you!" The voice exclaimed from above, "Just follow your Cupid Me! Teehee!~"

Butters then saw the sight of a tiny floating Cartman, that was naked and carried a bow and arrow.

"Aw, I hate my stupid psychotic brain.." Butters muttered, clutching his head.

(A/N: It’s been a while, but my second one shot is finally done. as some of u might be able to tell, this fic was heavily inspired by the episode "erection day" except it replaced jimmy with butters lol. I kinda feel like it ended abruptly but I also kinda wanted to leave the rest up to the reader’s interpretation! Anyway im just glad this one shot is over with, cuz now I can start a requested one shot yaaay! Stay tuned! <3)


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